Long Weekend.

It's midnight as I sit down to write this, and I still hear Evangeline fitfully wriggling in our bedroom.  This is the latest she's ever ever gone to sleep.  As soon as she entered this world she initiated an eerily strict sleeping schedule which involved being asleep by ten, awake by eight, and only one groggy awakening in the middle of the night.  I sure am one lucky momma.  And one super spoiled momma at that, complaining that her little one went to bed a whole two hours later than usual.  Wah.

Hah! Yikes.

Alex is having some much loved cozy time with Sleepy Little Lady now, giving me the opportunity to sit down to this little blog and type out a few words...Let's see.

This past long weekend was busy for us (love those long weekends).  We spent Saturday making tamales (literally an all day affair), doing laundry, cleaning the apartment, catching up on all those things that we had put off for the past few weeks, and, most exciting of all, Alex began building a frame for my Nolli map of Rome.  Hurrah!  Even thinking about the costliness of getting something that huge professionally framed hurt our heads a little, but then I found this great tutorial on how to build your own frame.  It probably would have been a day project had he had the tools...but little Chicago apartments don't really accommodate miter saws.  But, as I have mentioned, Alex is invincible, and so decided to start building one anyways.

We took advantage of possibly one of the last warm, sunny Sundays, and took the train to the Botanic Gardens.  The fall flowers and foliage are at their peak: the deep reds, purples, oranges, and yellows astounded us with their vibrancy.  I'll never get tired of these Northern Autumns.  They fill me with awe every time.

On Monday we rearranged the apartment.  Yes, again.  I refused to hang anything on the walls until couches and bookshelves were in their proper and final places, and finally, after about a month of hemming and hawing, I finally grew sick enough of my own indecision and the stacks of art and mirrors lying about.  Hanging art and moving furniture always helps me to feel as though I've been extraordinarily productive and much more organized and deliberate than I normally feel.  Cheers to that!

Because it's boring to post without a picture, here's one of us at the Botanic Gardens.  A year ago, we were standing in that exact same spot, only Little One was a biiiiiit tinier!  What a difference a year makes...Thank you, God, for this wonderful family of mine!

Saturday Snapshot.

These days we've been trying to keep busy to distract from the fact that, no, Evangeline has not yet decided to be born.  I've been awfully impatient.  The waiting game has been made worse because we definitely thought she might be born last weekend...an exciting day which turned out to be merely 5+ hours of false labor.  No fun, sir, no fun.  

So we spent Saturday on Lake Michigan, reading The Moviegoer, and luxuriating in our still pre-baby lives.  Very lovely.  I cannot complain! 

Lately.

It was a little odd when I went to my most recent midwife appointment and they said, "well, if you're not in labour by then, we'll see you again in a week!"  

What? 

No...

Yes.  

Hearing something like that for the first time was so strange.  To think that we could actually have Evangeline any day now!  While most of the thoughts that run through my head when I think about this fact are focused on sweet Evangeline and how excited I am to meet her, there are assuredly quite self-centered thoughts which lurk behind the good ones.  I'm just very ready to not be so physically uncomfortable when I sleep, or walk, or stand up, or bend over...or even sit for goodness sake!  I'd really like to begin to fit into my old clothes again.  I'd very much like to stop constantly talking about being pregnant.  I'd also very much like to stop being asked constantly about being pregnant.  

Wah, wah, wah.  

Anyways, on to some more interesting things.

Alex and I are still reading The Moviegoer, which continues to delight with it's mottled yet loveable characters.  I really should start reading The Book Thief so that I can finish it in time for Balboa, but I just haven't found the time yet. 

//

My sister-in-law, Sara, threw me and Evangeline the most lovely Baby Shower (I wish I had pictures to prove it, but you'll just have to take my word for it).  Eve made out like a bandit that night.  I'm pretty sure her wardrobe is bigger and more fabulous than mine is at this point.  A few of our favourite things: 

This little Gap lobster romper.  

I can't even handle thinking about it on her at the beach!

Blueberries for Sal, which remains one of my favourite children's books.  

The illustrations are perfectly charming (as is the story), and I love the fact that it's set in Maine.

Teething beads (thanks, Jessica!).  I'm so excited to use these.  I'll look so hip. 

//

Fact: Alex and I both really like Alexander Calder.  (You know, the guy that made hundreds of kinetic sculptures--which, interestingly, Duchamp dubbed "mobiles"--and built the Flamingo in Downtown Chicago?)

Calder, Flamingo, 1973.

We really want to build a Calder-esque mobile for Evangeline.  I really like this one: 

I love how it looks like leaves...but it's also perfect, because high contrast colours 

(black and white) are especially stimulating and helpful in visual development.  

I really don't think it would be that difficult to create one yourself, as long as you get the equilibrium right.  He used wire and sheet metal, but I bet you could use wire and thin wooden slabs if you couldn't get the sheet metal...  (Technically, you can buy one here for a hefty price, but it would just be way cooler to make your own.)

//

How to tell if you're in a Jane Austen novel.

I found this ludicrously hilarious. 

//

The Millennium Park concerts are beginning again!  Hurrah!  I'm so excited for The Planets, which is being performed on July 12.  I was always a huge fan of Holst, but he is so much more meaningful now, because the theme from Jupiter was our wedding march.

The march begins around 2:55 if you care to know...

As well as being free and outdoors (and byob--awesome!), these concerts have numerous showing times throughout the week.  Babies, champagne, and music on summer evenings are exactly my cup of tea.

Some 36.7 week thoughts...

I feel so hip and prepared because I packed the hospital bag yesterday.  Not that I really felt a need to do so.  If labor takes at 15-20 hours and at least 5 of those are early labor, then I would have plenty of time to do it then.  But my pregnancy app told me to pack my bag, so I did (also, it was super humid and I had nothing better to do).  You can't really sweat sitting on the floor and throwing a few items into a bag...or so I told myself.  

//

I was reading in The Baby Book (which is an amazing, infinite source of knowledge; thanks Pete and Emily!) that one of the things that will disrupt infant sleep is a dusty environment.  Uh oh.  It seems that the nature of Chicago apartments is to be a haven for dust bunnies (I have friends who struggle with the same dusty problem), but whereas before it was just annoying, it's now even more so.  Literally, I sweep daily and still manage to collect an entire dustpan of dust!  No good.  Any suggestions on minimizing dust?  I really don't like the thought of Eve having fuzzy lungs.

//

We've been on the lookout for some sort of dresser for Evangeline in which to store various things like diapers and extra blankets and the like.  Luckily we don't have a lot of unnecessary stuff for Evangeline which is really wonderful.  However, even the small, neat piles of diapers, blankets, stuffed animals, and clothes in our living room corner are getting on my nerves.  Seeing as we don't have a room for her, it would be great to find something that would double as a bedside stand for our room...I'm dreaming of something sort of like this: 

photo from Vogue Living Houses Gardens People

  //

Also, apparently I'm supposed to be eating 100 grams of protein a day?  How does one person even consume that much protein?  (One egg=6 grams of protein; 6 oz chicken=40ish grams of protein)  Seeing as there were a lot of eggs in those delicious lemony cupcakes I made post-dinner last night, I don't feel badly about the fact that I had one for breakfast.  (Besides, I also took one of those magical prenatal pills...) 

Some Nice Things from Chesterton.

I stumbled across this Chesterton quote today while (embarrassingly) not reading Chesterton, but reading this article of things Chesterton never said.  While I know it's lengthy, it's really too wonderful not to share (especially because it corresponds, if sometimes obliquely, with many thoughts I've been having regarding Evangeline lately, eg. sleep-sharing, nightmares, imagination, and Alex's and my belief in the importance necessity of fairy tales). 

"The timidity of the child or the savage is entirely reasonable; they are alarmed at this world, because this world is a very alarming place. They dislike being alone because it is verily and indeed an awful idea to be alone. Barbarians fear the unknown for the same reason that Agnostics worship it– because it is a fact. Fairy tales, then, are not responsible for producing in children fear, or any of the shapes of fear; fairy tales do not give the child the idea of the evil or the ugly; that is in the child already, because it is in the world already. Fairy tales do not give the child his first idea of bogey. What fairy tales give the child is his first clear idea of the possible defeat of bogey. The baby has known the dragon intimately ever since he had an imagination. What the fairy tale provides for him is a St. George to kill the dragon.

Exactly what the fairy tale does is this: it accustoms him for a series of clear pictures to the idea that these limitless terrors had a limit, that these shapeless enemies have enemies in the knights of God, that there is something in the universe more mystical than darkness, and stronger than strong fear. When I was a child I have stared at the darkness until the whole black bulk of it turned into one negro giant taller than heaven. If there was one star in the sky it only made him a Cyclops. But fairy tales restored my mental health, for next day I read an authentic account of how a negro giant with one eye, of quite equal dimensions, had been baffled by a little boy like myself (of similar inexperience and even lower social status) by means of a sword, some bad riddles, and a brave heart. Sometimes the sea at night seemed as dreadful as any dragon. But then I was acquainted with many youngest sons and little sailors to whom a dragon or two was as simple as the sea." (Tremendous Trifles) 

Kandinsky, St. George and the Dragon, 1915

33 going on 34.

Well, here we are at around 33.5 weeks!  Phew.  Comparing my stomach with the 21 week bump, I am so amazed at how much Evangeline has grown.  Not that I haven't noticed of course (my general response when my family asks how she's doing is "she's huuuge"), but I'm amazed at the fact that my body just hasn't gone kerplunk yet.  While I would like to be able to bend over and move without pain again, I do feel reassured in that our sweet girl is healthy and is growing at a perfectly normal rate.  She is very active, has a fine, strong heart-beat, and is apparently in "the perfect position" (according to our wonderful midwives).  Hurrah!

33.5 weeks.

I'm delighted and painfully excited to think that she could be here in a month or so...our beautiful little one with whom we are already so in love!...but at the same time I'm terrified.  I feel less and less prepared as each day passes, with every book I read, with every labor prep exercise I practice, with every piece of advice I'm given.  I'm so lucky to have Alex there for me, never telling me not to worry (my biggest pet-peeve at this point--"don't tell me how to feel!!"), but listening and encouraging and loving.  It's strange, this conflicting mess of emotions.  I don't feel at all like those 'empowered' women I'm apparently supposed to feel like.  But I suppose that's ok.  I'll just keep taking it one waddle at a time.

P.S.  What dost thou think of the new blog set up?  I spent a freakish amount of time on it today, but am pleased with the final product...I figured if I don't look so glam, there's no reason my blog shouldn't! 

Such Sadness.

Reading this interview with Jennifer Trapuzzano (the widow of Nathan Trapuzzano who was senselessly murdered a few weeks ago) reduced me to tears.  I am completely incapable of understanding her incredible suffering.  As a newly married, expectant mother myself, I cannot even begin to fathom losing Alex in any way, let alone one such as this--it kills me just to imagine such a thing.  

As painful as the article is to read, Jennifer's words on her husband's life, final evening, and death are so amazing and beautiful.  Please continue to keep this woman and her little one (and the young man who killed Nathan) in your prayers.  

+ May the souls of the faithful departed, through the mercy of God, rest in peace. +

case of the Mondays...and the Tuesdays...

On Monday I learned that the Social Security office is literally the worst place in the world.  I spent the better part of my day there in that smelly, loud, scary office (first part of the treacherous name change process), only to realize after leaving that I had forgotten to sign my form (they apparently forgot that that's necessary too).  Damn.  Buckets of tears.  Hot, bitter ones.

After I got home, I realized that I was two days late on the rent check.  I never forget the rent check. 

 Luckily, I have an amazing husband who went to the apartment office after work, and figured everything out with them, and paid rent, and brought home the most beautiful bouquet of irises for me.  Thanks, Alex, for being the best when I am the worst.   

This morning, I called the SS office to try to talk with them about the previous day's mishap.  I spent an hour on hold waiting for an agent to get to my call only to have them hang up on me.  So I called again.  And again.  Finally the computer I was speaking with told me they would call me back.  OK, sure, that's fine.  An hour later, they called.  Twice.  Of course, this is the moment my iPhone decided to have a hiccup and now I missed both calls because my phone never rang.  

I'm sick of trying to deal with it, so I'm just hoping that if not signing is a problem, they'll call me and tell me so.  They wouldn't just hang me out to dry by not even letting me know they can't process my incomplete form, right...?  Right?

       

What we did this [holiday] weekend.

1.

I made 1-Hour Cinnamon Rolls with my friend Mary.  When I first saw the link (on Pinterest...typical...), I definitely thought there must be some catch.  No way can something as delicious as cinnamon rolls be made in an hour.  Either they won't rise or they'll taste gross.  

Oh ye of little faith... 

Some of the best cinnamon rolls I've ever had. 

2.

I got a call from Alex late Friday afternoon asking if I wanted to go to the Chicago Lyric that night to see Madama Butterfly.  

"We don't have to go if you don't want to!" 

Hmm, no thanks. I don't like that idea.  

Of course, we went.  And (despite the nosebleed seats) it was divine.

I'm no opera guru (though that would be so cool...), but I'd listened to Madama Butterfly a few times before, and I was very excited to go to an opera with which I was relatively familiar.  Madama Butterfly is lovely, even though the story is so awfully depressing (though I suppose jilted heroines committing suicide is nothing to blink at in an opera).  

Vogliatemi bene, a duet sung by Butterfly and Pinkerton to close Act I, is possibly my favourite in the opera. 

The Lyric was built in 1929 (architecturally, Art Nouveau meets Art Deco.  Two of my favourite design styles...Look at all that gold!).  Alex was telling me that it is quite a point of pride for Chicago.  How did I not know this until now? 

3.

Baby Burch turned 19 weeks! Hurrah hurrah!!!  I was telling Alex that Baby literally comprises 95% of my thoughts these days...I constantly feel so blessed to have this little one growing inside me.  I have a little paranoia because we still haven't had our ultrasound (hopefully the beginning of February!), and I'm just so nervous to see how he/she is doing, whether he's healthy and growing, what he looks like, etc.  I definitely believe that I have felt him move however, which is such a happy sign for me.  June can't come fast enough!

4.

Alex and I went to the Art Institute on both Sunday and Monday.

Art Junkies...

There's a sublime exhibit up at the moment called "Dreams and Echoes" from the private collection of Chicagoans David and Celia Hilliard.  The collection in it's entirety is really stunning...it's just the sort of art that I would collect if I was say....a few billion dollars richer.  

 

Edgar Degas. 

Study of a Plaster Cast of a Child's Head (after Luca della Robbia), 1856/60. 

Promised gift of Celia and David Hilliard.

Image via http://www.artic.edu/.

Pierre Cecile Puvis de Chavannes.

Study of a Sleeping Woman, c. 1867. 

Gift of Celia and David Hilliard, 2007. 

Image via http://www.artic.edu/.

5.

We went with some friends to see the new Italian film The Great Beauty  at this great Independent Theatre just a few blocks from our apartment.  I'm not going to say more on it other than it was a striking, excellent film.  I think that our friend Mary had a very astute observation, essentially that it is not a film we, as 20-somethings, can understand fully.  In the same vein, Alex said it's not something you can just talk about for hours (though you could), and say "this is what it means end of story."  However, it's definitely something that you will keep coming back to through your life.  It's the sort of thing that stays with you.  See it.

6.

Including Friday and Monday in this "weekend" post is acceptable, I believe, especially because of MLK day, but covering Tuesday is stretching it.  Psh.  Whatever. 

Our friend Fiona is in town to visit her boyfriend (one of our Chicago Pals), and we all went bowling last night.  I hadn't been in years, and it was all good fun even if I was awful.  I mostly just liked watching this cool kid: 

Lovers Lane.

7.

I'm so happy Martha at Romancing Reilly is back to blogging again.  Her posts are always such inspiration for me! (After all, it was her blog that got me to start blogging again...not sure that that's a gift to anyone else, but it's good for me, hah!)

Here we go again.

Now that the holidays are over and family visits have come to an end, I finally have the motivation to get back on the blogging wagon.  The wheels are a little rusty, but here we go.  

Baby Burch is just over 18 weeks!  Hurrah!  I feel as though he has grown considerably in the last month (as evidenced by that stomach...eek!).  Apparently he's about 5 1/2" long, and is doing all sorts of cool stuff like yawning and hiccuping!  (A not so fun part of Baby growing?  Out of control back pain.  No thanks.)

In a few weeks we'll have an ultrasound and we both are ludicrously excited to find out whether Baby Burch is a boy or a girl! I have a feeling it is a boy...but we'll see.   My parents-in-law gave me a sewing machine for Christmas, so as soon as we find out, I'm going to set to work on making things.  I've been a pinterest maniac regarding baby clothes these days, and have been getting all sorts of ideas.  They don't look as though they'd be that hard to make...right?

~

Naturally, the holidays brought with them extensive feasting.  I'm not complaining in the least.  (I'm right on track with what's considered "healthy" weight gain, which I am glad of, especially since I lost so much weight in the first trimester.  Thank you, Christmas, for getting me back on track!)  But now that we are not eating rich and fatty foods (and white bread...so much delicious white bread...) all day long, I have an opportunity to keep better track of what I'm putting into my body on a daily basis.  Alex and I, in general, eat very healthily.  We (almost) never eat processed foods, rarely eat sugar, and don't drink soda. So luckily, I don't have to cut anything from my current diet, but these days I'm making even more of an effort to get all the necessary vitamins I need.  

On the food plan for this week there is lots of greek yogurt (Trader Joe's individual greek yogurts are an obsession of mine.  The pomegranate is my favourite...), some fish, plenty of eggs, and tons of fresh organic fruits and vegetables.  I'm still having a hard time with getting meat into my system.  It doesn't make me sick, I just never want to eat it.  Oh well; I'm fine with eggs and greek yogurt for now.  

~

I think that if every woman in the world wore maternity pants instead of regular pants, the world would be a much kinder and happier place.  Mom Burch picked two pairs of maternity jeans up for me at Destination Maternity and I literally cannot stop wearing them.

  These from AG Jeans have the full panel (which I love--no stomach pressure, plus there's the perk of feeling like you're wearing leggings...). 

And these have the stretchy side panels, which are also super comfortable. They've definitely made dressing for my new size so much easier and less depressing.  When you have jeans that fit and are comfortable, the world is so much better.     

~

My sister showed me this Buzzfeed article entitled If Shakespeare Had Written Star Wars.  As a lover of both Shakespeare and Star Wars, it's really hilarious.

~

Alex and I watched Joss Whedon's new production of Much Ado About Nothing recently, and it was really excellent.  (Perhaps standing on par with Kenneth Branagh's oh so lovable version?)  If in need of an date-night-in, Much Ado would be a delightful film choice.  

~

My mid-morning snack calls...

  

Bits and Pieces.

1.  I spent the day yesterday doing a much needed cleaning of our apartment.  My zeal for having a clean house took hold quickly however, and before I knew it I was in full blown "rearrange the whole house" mode.  I spent hours arranging and re-arranging, agonizing over every detail, and drawing diagrams of the house to test out positions.  Naturally, after all this work, I just switched two pieces of furniture and called it good.  I know, I know, I'm such an over-achiever.  Nonetheless, even this small change has made a lot of difference in the apartment.  It's much more open than it used to be:

the couch used to be where the black desk is.  given that we only have two pieces of furniture in the living room, there's not much choice in rearranging.

Maybe we'll get a coffee table and a bookshelf one of these days...another chair would be nice too. 

2.  I also spent a fair amount of time doing this: 

So whimsical.  

3.  Alex and I went to the thrift store on Saturday, and struck gold in the book section.  I was so pleasantly surprised with the selection.  It is so rare to find thrift stores with great books.  Also, I think we paid a total of $10 for all these:

This is why we can't buy a coffee table.  

Somehow, I haven't read Marilynne Robinson's Housekeeping yet.   Gilead is on my top ten favourite books list, so it is somewhat of a shocker to even myself that I have not read anything else by this wonderful author.  

Freddy and Fredericka by Mark Helprin is one of those books that I oversaw my Cool Brilliant Older Sister reading one day and knew it had to be good.  Or at least interesting.  

I was delighted to find this massive, hardbound copy of Emily Post's Etiquette Book (49cents...what?!).  Though some of it is perhaps a little dated, it is necessary to have an etiquette book lying around, for all those uncomfortable questions you might have about who knows what. 

Alex stumbled across this hardbound copy of the Essential Dali.  Such a great find.  It has large colour prints of Dali's paintings (even if some of them are a little creepy).  I'm a huge Dali fan, though, so I'm so happy to have this book in the house.  

Finally, I was overjoyed to find the D'Aulaire Book of Greek Myths (even if it is softcover).  This was one of my favourite books as a child, with the most wonderful illustrations and gripping stories of the Greek gods and goddesses.  They also have written a book of Norse Myth which is probably even better.  These are necessary to have in the house when our children come along.  

I'm really going to make an effort during these cold months to read more.  Since graduating college, my reading has declined drastically, and I'm feeling the effects.  Good thing I have Words with Friends to keep my vocabulary in working order...

4.  I have been very very good about getting all my Christmas shopping for Alex out of the way.  (First Christmas! Hurrah!)  Most of the time it's very easy to buy for him since our taste is very similar and he's so excited about gifts in general.  That being said, I've definitely had to restrain myself from putting the entire internet on a credit card.  Kidding.  But really, it has been difficult not to buy him things I really want to just steal for myself.  Like these awesome Star Wars iPhone cases: 

want.  need.  

5.  I know it's Winter and I am supposed to be wanting to eat warm thick soup and bread all the time, but honestly, all I want to eat is this Lobster Roll and Fried Scallops from the Red Barn, the best seafood place in Maine:

I would pay $50 to have one of these right now.  Easy. 

6.  We finally bought our tickets to Maine for the holidays!  We're going in early January for the feast of the Epiphany.  I cannot wait to see this...

the lake behind my parents house.  

...and to get Alex involved in one of these...

Advent Mutterings

As Christmas swiftly approaches (more quickly this year than the last...) it is difficult to pause and relish the wonder of the Advent season before the Christmas season arrives.  I find myself so wrapped up in Christmas shopping, craft making, and decorating that I rarely allow myself to have a truly fruitful Advent.  (Not that all this preparation is bad; not at all.  It is a good thing, and necessary!)  But I must continually remind myself in the midst of the sparkling material preparation that spiritual preparation takes precedent.  

  Advent is a time for meditating upon the beautiful mystery of the Incarnation, the mystery of God becoming man to save us:  

"Therefore because the children are partakers of flesh and blood, He also Himself in like manner hath been partaker of the same: that, through death, He might destroy him who had the empire of death, that is to say, the devil: And might deliver them, who through the fear of death were all their lifetime subject to servitude." (Hebrews 2:14-15) 

In Pope John Paul II's first encyclical, Redemptor Hominis, the pope writes on Christ's role as our Redeemer and the importance of the human person in the world.  I find this paragraph to be particularly wonderful food for thought in preparation for the Christmas Season: 

"Man cannot live without love. He remains a being that is incomprehensible for himself, his life is senseless, if love is not revealed to him, if he does not encounter love, if he does not experience it and make it his own, if he does not participate intimately in it. This, as has already been said, is why Christ the Redeemer "fully reveals man to himself". If we may use the expression, this is the human dimension of the mystery of the Redemption. In this dimension man finds again the greatness, dignity and value that belong to his humanity. In the mystery of the Redemption man becomes newly "expressed" and, in a way, is newly created. He is newly created! "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus". The man who wishes to understand himself thoroughly-and not just in accordance with immediate, partial, often superficial, and even illusory standards and measures of his being-he must with his unrest, uncertainty and even his weakness and sinfulness, with his life and death, draw near to Christ. He must, so to speak, enter into him with all his own self, he must "appropriate" and assimilate the whole of the reality of the Incarnation and Redemption in order to find himself. If this profound process takes place within him, he then bears fruit not only of adoration of God but also of deep wonder at himself. How precious must man be in the eyes of the Creator, if he "gained so great a Redeemer", and if God "gave his only Son "in order that man "should not perish but have eternal life"."

Another reason to make the most of Advent: beautiful, glorious Advent carols!  Below is one of my favourites. 

Giving Thanks.

"Gratitude is a flower that blooms in noble souls." 

Pope Francis 

Cultivating gratitude is such an important task.  Parents first begin this cultivation in the simplest of ways such as encouraging their little ones to say "thank you".  But after our parents plant these seeds how do we continue to cultivate gratitude in our grown-up lives and how do we, as Pope Francis so beautifully says, foster a "noble soul"? 

I suppose I've been thinking about this question given that the holidays are swiftly approaching. During this time of year when we are encouraged to give thanks for all we have been given, we focus rather on what we don't have.  I find myself thinking much of the time, "oh we need that," or "oh I could use that," or "I wish that wasn't so expensive."  But this desire for more money or more things gives way to a darker type of desire, an acquisitiveness not limited to money or material goods. Now we desire talents we don't have, gifts others have been given that that we have not; our desire is not merely for a thing now, but for a thing someone else has.  This scares me, frankly.  It scares me because I know I fall victim to this train of thought so much myself.  Of all the times I've counted other peoples blessings, how often is it that I count my own?  How often do I focus on the positive in my life rather than the negative?  When I stop and think about this, I feel so embarrassed.  I know that the good in my life far far outweighs the bad.  And that being said, shouldn't I spend my days being grateful for every beautiful good gift I've been given rather than wasting time lusting over J. Crew catalogues and Pinterest boards, and wishing I was a world class pianist, athlete, and artist?  

Yes.  Yes I should.  

I'm not pulling a holier than thou card here.  I know that I'll always want to have more than I do.  I know that I will always struggle between being grateful and being ungrateful, and there will be many times when gratitude won't win out.  I know that just because I've written this trite blogpost, I'm not suddenly going to cast off my desires and become a Noble Soul in the blink of an eye.  But it's the struggle that counts.  

One of my goals from now on is to stop, at least for 60 seconds every day and think, "what do I have to be grateful for?" Not, "how am I luckier than other people," or "what gifts I have that others don't," but what should I be grateful for in my own beautiful life?  I have not answered all my questions;  I still don't know what a foolproof way to cultivate gratitude, or how to best foster a noble soul, but I know that I want to make an effort to pray more and through prayer open my eyes and recognize the  limitless love and generosity God showers upon me every day.  I want the flower of gratitude to bloom rather than wilt.